I am a dreamer. A baker. A candle stick maker. Okay, I am not the last two but I am a dreamer. One version of where I thought I would be right now involves me living in NYC. I would be in some off beat modern dance company and probably waiting tables to make enough dough to barely pay the bills. Another version is one where I have my MFA in Choreography and I am a college dance professor. Then there is the photography dream where I am a successful photographer capturing beautiful moments all the time, wherever I go. Or, the dream of being a stay at home mom. One who is passionate about organic food, cloth diapers, safe cleaning products, and all things handmade and lovely. I also have this vision of farming, homesteading, and living off the land. Chickens, goats, maybe cows, and a fragrant garden full delicious eats.
Just so we are clear, these really have been dreams of mine at one time in my life or another. I am a dreamer. In recent days, I have not been sure who I am anymore. My dreams have changed so much over the years I am left wondering who I am and what I am supposed to be doing with my life. Sometimes, I wish I wasn’t such a deep thinker. I have told Matt on several occasions that if I wasn’t so serious, such a visionary, maybe I would be satisfied with where I am and what I am doing. Through much prayer, wise counsel, and lots of soul searching, I am learning who I am. Who I really am. What matters. What really matters. Here is what I am learning…
I am child of God. I am loved, deeply and unconditionally, by my Heavenly Father. I am equipped to love others well and so I will always strive to do that. Right now, I have a husband and three little people who look to me for love, care, and let’s be honest…food. I have a devoted husband who would do anything for me. He is truly my best friend and the most wonderful person inside and out. I will never grow tired of him, ever. I have three beautiful girls. Three girls! I always wanted girls. I am so thankful for these blessings!
January was a rough start to the year for my family. I had so many hopes and goals for 2017 and by January 31st I was extraordinarily disappointed and discouraged by how the first month went for my family. Since the doom and gloom of the start of 2017, I have been getting back on track. Although most of my life I did not consider myself a gym person, I am enjoying taking Pilates, Barre, Yoga, Stretch classes thoroughly. All have been very good for my body and my mental health. My kids love going and it has been great for them to be with other adults and children. We have been homeschooling quite often, but when we don’t get around to school, I am not putting myself in the prison of failure. I am doing the best I can. We are learning what works for us.
I am learning who I am. I am going to keep on dreaming. Time will tell, and God will lead me to who I am and what I am supposed to be doing. He will bring me to the dream that He has for my life and ultimately that is going to be far better than anything I could have dreamed up. He created me just as I am, this crazy dreamer. This deep thinker.
In other news, today is my mom’s birthday. We will be celebrating her all day today. Just because someone is no longer living, it does not mean we stop celebrating them. Her life lives on in my life, and the lives of my children. Below, I am sharing some images from 2017. Mom, you have some of the most beautiful grandchildren. Happy birthday.
My little Ella. She got so sick. This day was particularly bad. Notice the thermometer, tissues piling up and her watery eyes.
At this moment, Kat was finishing her dinner. She is usually the last one to clean her plate. I was holding Ella and the camera was in reach. Ella was breaking a fever on me at this very moment. I will cherish this memory. Kat whispering to me so Ella could sleep. Ella breathing deeply on my chest. I was thanking God for these children. Thanking Him for allowing me to be the one to hold them. What a gift.
This night, Ella got some extra cuddles. She was waking up miserable, unable to sleep from her cough and fever. We made her tea and cuddled on the couch. Matt loves snuggles.
Trying to keep them quiet when Ella took a nap. She dropped her naps (eye roll) but she will nap when she is sick.
Here is my precious Ella finally feeling better. Don’t let this darling picture fool you. She bit Abi twice in January. Once, she drew blood. Never a dull moment.
We’ve only had one more snowy day. It wasn’t anything crazy so we let the kids dance in the snow while we made dinner.
Of course, Kat tasted the snow.
I am not good when it comes to messes. We’ve had some unusually warm days and Kat has been begging to paint. I gave in. She loved every second of it!
Oh, this girl. She is so sweet. I love to watch her sleep.
And this muffin is getting so big. She will be six months old next week.
