Has there ever been a decision in your life you have contemplated long and hard over? One that might potentially hurt you and your family more than it benefits you? Well, Matt and I walked through such a choice a little over two years ago. A little back story… My niece Haley had been living with my dad for all of her kindergarten year. We were pregnant with Ella at that time. I’m not sure if you are aware or remember how sick I was when I was pregnant with Kat, but I was super sick. Hospitalized five times, and some stays were close to a week long. Eeek. Don’t like remembering those days. My point is, we didn’t know how I would do during my second pregnancy. There was about a 50 percent chance I would be that sick or worse. So, we didn’t think it was wise to offer to take our niece at that time. However, it was something we REALLY wanted to do. Throughout that year, we heard how hard things were on my dad with Haley. As much as he loved having her, he was working full time, trying to start a small business, in his 70’s, and doing homework with a child every night. It was one of the most stressful and rewarding years of his life. My dad didn’t have my sister and I at that age (our parents got divorced when we were little and we lived with my mom). So, he felt like it was kind of a chance to do things right. As much as he loved it, it took a great tole on him emotionally, financially, and physically.
So, when Ella was born, Haley was just finishing up her kindergarten year and we wanted to see if we could start taking care of Haley. This was a great challenge, as I am sure you parents (and even my friends who aren’t parents) can understand. We went from caring for one kid to THREE overnight. Wow. I felt like I was on a roller coaster ride, or we were living in the circus. We had a crazy, fun, and exciting year with Haley when she was in first grade. Matt and I tried our best, even harder than we tried with our own kids, to take care of Haley. We put her in special gymnastics camps, started to get her eyes taken care of, and did tons of activities with her. Most importantly, we introduced her to Jesus. We took her to our awesome church and taught her about God and His love for her every chance we got. She soaked it up too. It helps when you attend a super awesome church (shout out to Northpoint Community Church), because it was fun for her. Learning about God and getting to know Him should be fun! He is my most beloved. My Savior. My salvation. My rock. So, sharing these things with Haley was natural and deeply rewarding.
One amazing thing about that year was Matt was working at a start up company. He took that job with the hopes of a new life for us. A life where we would see him more, have more flexibility, less travel, and potentially to see a small company grow big. It was an exciting time. Without that job, we probably would not have made it through that year, or at least not as happily. Have I mentioned how much I love my husband? He is such a blessing. I mean it. What did I ever do to deserve him? He has put up with so much from me and others over the years. I am truly loved by him in a way that can only be an example of how Christ loves me. I thank God for him every single day. Anyway, the dream job started to slowly become less and less of a dream. The uncertainty of the next contract working out, the uncertainty of the next paycheck, watching co-workers get let go, and the evils of having little in the area of health insurance/retirement/benefits. It was exhausting on both of us, but especially on Matt being our provider. We weren’t looking for other jobs, but one came knocking at our door. Not just knocking, like screaming and shouting…and they wouldn’t take no for an answer. We prayed, and prayed, and prayed. There was no green light, no burning bush, no audible voice saying, “Yes, this is it! Go, take this job! Move, go for it!” Instead, there was a small nudge that we both felt. A peace about this change and what it would mean for us. The idea of a different way of life, a life that we had never known before. So after much prayer, seeking out what other options we had before us, and lots of talking, we decided to move to Asheville and take this new job.
What did that mean for Haley? For my photography business? For our home? So many questions. Very few answers. We decided we were going to move despite how difficult this would be. We didn’t make any of these decisions without chasing them down long term, but we felt God pushing us in this direction, so we followed. It’s called walking in obedience, and that isn’t always easy. In fact, most of the time waking in obedience is really freaking hard. Soon after we moved, I started a bible study at my church on Abraham. Coincidence? I think not. My mentor in Georgia (who really didn’t want me to move to NC) gave me some great advice right before we moved. She told me to read about Abraham and remember what God called him to do. I knew his story, but I read it again. It didn’t make a huge impact on me… When I signed up for the study, I thought it was quite interesting that God was allowing this to be the topic I would study. Wouldn’t you know, it was an amazing study for me. Now, I’m hope God doesn’t make me wait 25 years to fulfill His promises in my life, hahaha. In all seriousness, I believe He will fulfill His promises. He always does.
Now we get to the really hard part. You have already read about how hard this move has been on us, me specifically (last blog post… if you haven’t read it…please do read it here). You’ve now heard quite a detailed backstory on how we became a family of five in a matter of months, and why we decided to move to Asheville in the first place. I wish there was an easy way to say this, but there just isn’t. It is with tears in my eyes that I write this. Haley will be moving to Nebraska to live with her mom this Wednesday. It has been two years since Haley came to live with us, since we opened up our home to her, our hearts to her. You don’t take a child into your home (with the right intentions) without the hopes and mindset that this will be something you do long term, like forever. Deep down, we knew there was always a chance that Haley would leave us, but we couldn’t live that way. If we did, it wouldn’t be fair to Haley. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us! Well, that day has come. Please understand this was not a decision we made, but rather one that was made for us. I don’t want to go into great detail here, but if you know me, I am on open book and I would be happy to answer any questions you might have.
So, the topic of this post is really about the decision we made two years ago. Would you take the risk? Would you open your heart to something that might eventually break it? Kat doesn’t remember life before Haley. They share a room together, just like sisters. We’ve spent every school night over the past two years doing homework, packing a healthy lunch for school. Matt spent every morning making her a hot breakfast before he drove her to school. Every weekend has been special family time. These are memories I always will cherish. That doesn’t make this any less painful. How do you explain complicated things to an 8 year old? A 4 year old? A 2 year old? You can’t, you just can’t. One day I hope Kat can understand why we wanted to care for Haley. I hope she can see that we wanted so badly for Haley to have a fruitful life that we were willing to put her heart and ours right in the way…just open to the breaking. She doesn’t understand right now. She sees Haley as a sister, and we love Haley like a daughter. So, I am asking you to pray for our family during this painful time. We know God has great plans for Haley’s life and those will be fulfilled with our without Matt and I. We really believe that! He is writing her story, not us. She is going to have such an awesome story. In fact, she already does! Just ask her.
What does this mean for our family? We aren’t really sure right now. We are just taking it one day at a time, and we know the wound we have with Haley leaving us will not heal overnight. One thing we know for sure is we have some big changes coming. Adjusting to life without Haley will be one of them. Adjusting to life with our new babe, babyv3, will be another. We see this baby as such a gift…such a light. A light in a very dark time. God knew the exact timing of all of this. He knew what we would be facing and has brought us this new baby at a very delicate time. What a perfect Father! Thank you Lord for our gift of light. We will rejoice over this babe now and forever.
Please keep us in your prayers…and stay tuned for one more blog post.
In the meantime, this song has brought me much comfort during this season. I just have to share it with you today.
P.S. Below are some of my favorite pictures I’ve taken over the past two years. Get the tissues ready.
Fall 2014 at our annual trip to the pumpkin patch.
Splish splash, just having fun in the bath in our Georgia house. 2014
Haley’s epic Frozen birthday party when she turned 7. Her whole class came. 2015
Doing homework after school with me while Kat and Ella napped. Her eyelashes are unreal. 2015
When Haley was mastering the skill of tying her shoes. This was on her actual birthday when we went ice skating, per her request. 2015
Countless hours playing dress up in our play room in Georgia. A beautiful mess. 2015
Craft time is the best time. These two have made so many treasures together over the past two years. 2015
When we went to the circus. Love this one where they are sharing secrets. 2015
One moment in time where all three beauties were asleep. Instead of savor it, I documented it. 2015
Our first time going to an apple orchard. We had a blast. Isn’t red a great color on her?! 2015
Christmas time at the Biltmore. We got the girls matching dresses, and yes that is what they wanted. Love these glistening lights and her pose. 2015
Snowed in…for a week. Haley loved the snow more than anyone. She makes the best of pretty much any situation. 2016
Waiting on her guests at her 8th birthday party. We had an ice cream birthday party…fitting as we had been snowed in for the week prior. 2016
Father/daughter, uncle/niece dance. We got them new dresses and I did their hair and makeup. Lots of glitter and curls. 2016
Haley made the decision to be baptized this year. One of the happiest moments of my life. Tears of joy were streaming down my face at this very moment…but I managed to get this shot. 2016
Just another day after school, sharing a snack and playing dress up. 2016
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